How Much Should the Groom Be Involved in Wedding Planning?
By Misty Gray / June 21, 2024 / Wedding Planning / 0 CommentsTraditionally speaking, it is (in our modern western culture, anyway) more or less the responsibility of the bride, her family, and her friends to plan a wedding ceremony.
But in history, it hasn’t always been that way.
For example:
In ancient Roman culture, weddings were family affairs planned primarily by the parents of the bride and groom, with significant input from the extended family and community elders.
During the Middle Ages in Europe, weddings among the nobility were often arranged and planned by the families, focusing on alliances and property rather than personal choice, with the bride’s family typically taking the lead in organizing the event.
In traditional Chinese culture, matchmakers played a crucial role in arranging and planning weddings, ensuring compatibility and negotiating dowries between families, with the bride’s family usually handling the ceremony details.
And in many African cultures, such as among the Yoruba people, weddings are community events with the involvement of both families and the wider community, including elders who play a significant role in the planning and ceremonial aspects.
And now, to bring it all around full-circle, even in our modern western world, it seems that grooms are playing an ever more crucial role in planning the big special day.
And with this newfound (or re-found) shift in marital planning roles comes a very important question to be asked about it:
How much should a groom do?
Should the groom do all of it?
Not necessarily (even the bride, or maybe even especially the bride would probably disagree with this).
But it’s also true that, nowadays, it’s not really realistic to believe that you, as the lucky groom, are not going to play at least a limited role in the planning of your own wedding.
So this begs the question—exactly how much should you plan to do?
Well, you’re in luck. Because we’re about to weigh in on it.
(We’ve been involved in a lot of weddings here at Karl’s Tuxedos.)
And as with most things, this is a flexible line—and the truth is that every situation is a little bit different.
So here are some of the most important factors to keep in mind.
1. You Should Help as Much as Time Allows
When it comes to wedding planning, one thing that’s always required is time.
And when the time comes to decide who’s going to do the majority of the work involved in setting up for the big day, a very fair and accurate question to ask is: which of you has more time?
Because the truth is that one of you probably has a little bit more time for wedding planning than the other—and if that happens to be you, then it may be true that you’ll naturally take a more active role in preparations than you otherwise would.
2. You Should Automatically Take on the Role of Getting Squared Away with Your Tuxedo
Granted, your bride-to-be may have some ideas about what type of tuxedo she’d like you to wear, and you’ll definitely want to run concepts like type and style by her before you place your order (especially if you value your life, chuckle chuckle).
But you can (and should) stop by here at Karl’s and get fitted absolutely as soon as possible. And then, you should make sure that you place that tux reservation as soon as possible once you and your bride decide on the perfect style. And that goes double for your groomsmen!
3. Help as Much as It Matters to You to Share Responsibility
As you embark upon your marital journey together, you’ll both be sharing a great deal of responsibility in all kinds of different areas in your life.
And what better way to demonstrate that you’re willing to begin this process right now than accepting some of the responsibility for the different parts of preparing for the marriage?
4. Help in as Many Different Areas as You Feel Comfortable and Would Excel
As different humans with different talents, skills, and interests, we’re often more comfortable and better suited to different things than some of our peers.
For example, one of you might be better at choosing colors and decorations, while the other may be better at crunching numbers and making financial calculations.
It stands to reason, then, that some of the aspects of planning for a wedding might come easier to one of you than to the other.
Delineating the responsibilities along these lines (the lines of what comes easier and more natural to both of you) could be a common sense way to divide and conquer when it comes to preparing for a wedding.
Remember—Some Brides Are Sticklers for Tradition
In some certain cases, you may come to find that your bride prefers the idea of doing the majority of the planning herself.
If this is true, then you may want to tread lightly.
A great rule of thumb here could be to ask her what she would be comfortable with turning over to you and letting you handle—and allowing that to be the first step in the process.
Keep in mind that for a bride, this is The. Big. Day. She’s probably really excited to plan it.
Therefore, your goal as a groom probably shouldn’t be to take on the stuff that would be highly likely to excite her, but rather, to help with the things that she would be more likely to find cumbersome, laborsome, or dreary.
These could serve as fantastic starting points for beginning the process of marital ‘togetherness’ — but trust us, don’t indulge yourself in any talk of swooping in and saving the day. Or as Aretha said, “R-E-S-P-E-C-T!”
In Conclusion
As you embark upon this incredible adventure, don’t forget to keep checking in with your bride and letting her know that you’re available to help.
And as she gives you small (or medium, or large) tasks to perform, practice expressing exuberance and gratitude at the thought of being involved.
This kind of positive energy is a fantastic way to get the marriage started off right—and it’s highly likely to earn you some massive rewards leading up to the conclusion of your wedding day.